How to Explain Horseback Riding to Anyone

We all have friends, and friends are awesome.

Some of our friends are horse people, and totally get what we are talking about all the time. For instance, you can say your horse “was a little up today, but only bucked a few times and was otherwise fine” and these horsey friends will nod in understanding..because that’s not jargon to them.

But we also have non-horsey friends…and to them that is pretty much a foreign language. Your non-horse friends are also awesome, but sometimes they try to ‘get hip with your lingo’ and stumble…and sometimes they just stare blankly and pray you talk about boys, or ice cream, or the latest episode of The Bachelor so they won’t have to listen to you talk about your horse again. And this can be tricky to manage, but here are some things you might hear, and how to address them nicely:

1. “How was your race?” – Because mainstream media touts racing as the ‘horse sport’ of choice, this tends to cause many people to wrongfully assume that all riders are racers (kind of like how everyone assumes that anyone who lives in Texas must be a Country music fan). It’s ok to correct them a few times, but be nice. As a hobbyist group, we tend to not realize how defensive we are about our beloved sport…and can come off as jerks. So don’t be a jerk. If your friend feels the need to always ask ‘how fast’ you went, or if you raced anyone today…just smile and re-explain that your discipline has nothing to do with going fast (unless you actually do race horses, or are a jumper).
2. “But doesn’t your horse do all the work?” – Don’t flip out, this is a common misconception. Because most actions that involve sitting are commonly misconstrued as ‘easy’, horseback riding is an easy target. For the same reason that Nascar is belittled for just being about going fast and turning left (see Talladega Nights), many people assume that things you do whilst sitting on your butt require little to no effort. Just calmly explain that what you do is a challenging physical activity, and that no, riding a horse is not like driving a car. If you still have difficulty letting this concept sink in, find a good ‘thrills and spills’ video on Youtube, and try having them watch that.
3. “You horse is brown, so it’s a clydesdale, right?” – This one probably will only happen once, as once you’ve established that not all brown horses pull beer carts you should be good to go. Because Budweiser uses clydesdale horses in their ads, its only natural that most people assume horses that are big and brown must be clydesdales (your average person might have caught wind of the Romney horse and be aware that warmbloods exist, but it isn’t likely). If you ride a warmblood, feel free to explain what that means…and if you have a thoroughbred, be prepared for a renewed believe that you race and go fast. See 1. again.

For the most part, these are the only 3 annoyances you will probably experience. The exception to any of these, is the person that firmly swears by what they find in a Google search or from ‘sources’ like Yahoo answers and comments in YouTube videos. In the case of these, just don’t bother trying to explain to them that:

• Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron is just a movie, and your horse is fine with being ridden
• The Parelli method is not the only effective method out there
• No, they cannot ride your horse without permission
• Yes, even if they have been taking notes from old western movies
• No, rearing and kicking out is the opposite of what should happen (those were stunt horses)
• No, you cannot ride your horse on the highway
• Yes, you are sure you cannot ride your horse on the highway, its illegal

Hopefully this helps!

Resolutions for Horses and People in 2013

I’m Alive!

Apologies for the huge massive insane delays in posting… life took the reins for a while and keeping up with posts got a bit tricky, but I’m back! And I plan on writing up more about current horse events and relevant equestrian news!

So in the mean time, here are some resolutions you and your horse can make in 2013, based on real events (which are succinctly summarized, I promise) in equestrian news:

1. Don’t let your horse be a designated driver: If you are intoxicated, keep your feet on the ground. In Florida, a man was recently arrested for ‘drunk driving’ his horse to his grandmother’s house and fleeing from police officers when he was asked to dismount. To read more about it, click here.
2. Ride more: it’s good for your mental health. Though there is still some debate on the exact effectiveness of riding from a  psychological perspective, it has been recognized that riding does provide a positive impact on humans. To read the exact details, click here.
3. Give a warm welcome to Donald Trump. Though Trump has had his fair share of negative press for the number of uses of the phrase ‘You’re fired’ and his less-than-flattering comments about Rosie O’Donnell, he did make quite a stir with the Trump $100,000 Invitational Grand Prix in Mar-A-Lago, FL. As a special treat, The Voice winner Cassadee Pope performed to kick off the event, drawing in some non-equestrian fans’ attention to the sport. Raising somewhere in the ballpark of $1.4 million for charity, just about the only person who didn’t enjoy the event was Trump’s lawn. Click here for the full story.

Some other resolutions you can make (not based on news events)

1. Always ride with a buddy on trails. You might feel like John Wayne galloping off into the sunset alone, but if you fall off, it’s going to be a long lonely walk home.
2. Don’t wipe your polished boots with glycerin soap. It will wash the polish off and you’ll just have to polish the suckers again.
3. Throw away the twinkle toes, and step away from the ‘blaze paint‘. Your horse will thank me later. Leave the glitter to the pony kids.

Famous Last Words: Equestrian Style

I thought to cheer you all up (and after that thrillingly long hiatus) I’d share a few funny possible equestrian ‘famous last words’:

• “Oh he doesn’t need ear puffies, he was fine yesterday”
• “I don’t think I’m going to lunge him today, I’m sure he’ll be fine after that month off!”
• “It’s going to rain? Quick, open that umbrella!”
• “Oh its fine, your boyfriend can ride him without a helmet, experience, or supervision. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
• “Well I saw it work in this movie once, so I’m going to try it.”
• “This guy at the dude ranch told me it worked with his horses, so I’m going to try it in my clinic with George Morris.”
• “I’m sure you can text and ride, it’s not like that’s as unsafe as texting and driving.”

Got any great ‘last words’ to add? Tell me int the comments!

The Name Game

Horses are named all kinds of things: some aim for the more classic names like “Spot” for an appaloosa, “Blaze” for a horse with a blaze, and so on. As times have changed, so have names. Like an opinionated horse woman, I have formed strong opinions about names use given to horses: some are cute, and some just aren’t. Here are kinds of names I adore, and three I truly hate:

Love:

1. Famous People. Having ridden a ‘Anne Sullivan’, a ‘ Sammy David Jr.’, and a ‘Gandhi’, I will admit that there is something innately cute about horses named after famous people (given that they are not named after someone bad). Naming your horse after Barack Obama in my eyes is too cheesy, and naming your horse ‘OJ Simpson’ shows a lack of taste…but hearing horses named ‘Clark Kent’, ‘Jane Eyre’, and ‘John Wayne’ do make me smile. Naming your mare ‘Helen Keller’ isn’t recommended….just for superstitious reasons.
2. Food. Admit it, when ponies are named after food, it can be hopelessly adorable. My own horse, Crackerjack fits his nam perfectly. I’ve sat on several horses named ‘Popcorn’, ‘Oreo’, ‘Spud’, and even a few ponies named ‘Hershey’. You can never really go wrong with food names: even ‘Figgy Pudding’ puts a smile on your face.
3. Classic. When in doubt, the tried-and-true names are sometimes the best option. ‘Splash’, ‘Dancer’, and ‘Spot’ are all classic names that you can feel comfortable telling your kids. Especially with ponies, keeping it simple can be easier for kids to remember: try explaining to a 4-year-old that their pony’s name is ‘Corsair’ or ‘Chardonnay’ and see how that goes.
4. Song titles / Lyrics. Admittedly, the most classic kid-friendly song titles and lyrics are the best to use. I’ve heard of a few very cute ‘Rocket Man’ ponies, ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ jumpers, and ‘Sweet Carolina’ New England ponies. A good rule to go by, is if you can’t tell your grandmother your horse’s show name…don’t use it. An example? I’d steer clear of any song by ‘Lil Wayne, Soulja Boy, 50 Cent, Steel Panther, or any song that involves the word ‘b-itches’ or ‘h-es’.

Hate:

1. Rappers. Now before I go into this, I will concede that some names lend themselves well to horses: ‘Slim Shady’ is a good fit for a slim darker horse, and I would be impressed to compete against a horse named ‘Immortal Technique’ or ‘Idle Warship’….I might even take my hat off to a ‘Hopsin’ with two blue eyes. That being said, I cringe whenever I hear that someone has named their horse (showname, mind you) ‘Free Weezy’, ‘Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em’, or ‘Birdman’. I can understand devotion to these artists….but at least with equitation horses, I feel like seeing ‘Free Weezy’ or ‘Gucci Gucci’ on the scoreboard during a prestigious competition kills the mood somewhat. But like I said, I’m split on this: if the name fits the horse, I am willing to endorse it. I can see ‘Teach Me How To Dougie” taking off….or even “Gangnam Style” becoming the next hot pony showname.
2. Branded Alcohol. I genuinely don’t enjoy when horses come in with brand name liquor names. It just doesn’t feel classy….even ‘Grey Goose’ feels a bit forced. Similarly, I don’t think its in any way classy to name a pony after liquor when the kid on him is well under 21. Somehow, types of wine never seem that bad: ‘Chablis’ actually sounds pretty classy, as does ‘Merlot’: Somehow ‘Gin and Juice’ and ‘Jose Cuervo’ don’t have the same ring to it.
3. Drugs. I have rarely heard of any horses with drug-influenced names. Very rarely. But as a warning, I sincerely hope no one starts by naming their mare ‘Have You Found Molly?’, ‘Heroin’, or ‘Opium’. Just don’t.

A Word Of Advice

I will keep this short, sweet, concise…what have you. When you are marketing to an equestrian demographic, do your homework. I find that some people do not tune in to this concept, and as a result get lost in the many sphere of equestrianism.

Like with any great campaign, being able to be as specific as possible will be key to your success:

1. If you are trying to hit the affluent polo-goers who wear Ralph Lauren causally and insist on premium products for themselves and their horses, be true to that. Trying to glue together a fragmented industry is probably not going to help you win the uphill battle you will inevitably need to climb to court the horsey market.

2. Knowing the difference between a casual trail rider and an Arabian endurance rider will change the demographic. Knowing the difference between a western trail rider and a hunter pace trail rider is also key to understanding demographics.

3. Knowing the difference between a trail rider, a hunter/jumper amateur, and a professional show jumper is colossal: If you are trying to reach out to ladies who rent horses on weekends for light trail riding, don’t throw up stories about new releases from Animo. It’s just common sense.

4. If you are trying to reach racehorse fanatics who bet on races with whatever money they can find, realize that those are not the floppy-hatted race-goers who sip mint juleps and wave casually to their horses as they pass by.

5. Realize that someone who will drop $40,000+ on an equitation/hunter horse will likely not have any interest in trail riding guides. Also realize that people who want and need trail riding guides probably don’t give a crap about updates in the combined driving sphere. Also realize that part of why Dover does not sell combined driving gear, is that it realizes its core demographic is hunter/jumper and dressage.

6. And also realize that not every equestrian is an affluent iPhone user that is intently concerned on using apps for functionality: most YouTube equestrians post videos of them jumping things and messing around, most instagram shots are of pony-noses and equestrians goofing off, and most Facebook activity is in a younger demographic than people intently seeking trail guides.

And if any of this confused you, and you aren’t sure how any of these demographics are different, maybe don’t pursue the equestrian demographic.

Want, Need, Love

So you’ve heard a lot about what I don’t consider to be ‘equestrian fashion’, however there are some select items that I do, and they come from some incredible equestrian-based companies. Here is one company with items I want, need, or love:

(links to Dubarry)

Dubarry, an Irish-based company was founded in 1937 in the small town of Ballinasloe, in the heart of Galway. Their current wares include jackets, boots, sweaters, purses, and shoes.

Want:

It also comes in ‘Acorn’ and ‘Smoke’, but ‘Galway Blue’ is the showstopper.

Their elegant Blackthorn Jacket. Its made of Teflon coated wool, comes in an elegant ‘Galway Blue’ and feels like a classy street-smart extended blazer.

Need:

Comes in the classic tan and canvas look, but let’s be honest, get the denim.

I need a new pair of shoes at horse shows, because my Converse sneakers are beginning to shred apart. The Dubarry Barbados Ladies Deck Shoe in Denim is light, supportive, and has quickly drying leather (perfect for washing horses in…or walking on boats in).

Love:

Also comes in black if you’re boring.

The Dubarry Dalkey Handbag is understated, classic, simple, and has plenty of interior organization pockets for less-organized folks like me.

The classic space tat Dubarry sets up for horse shows even feels as homey and warm as any tack room in most barns. Image courtesy of Rural Intelligence.

Dubarry isn’t some elite designer in a chic studio throwing around the words ‘equestrian’ and ‘vintage’ haphazardly: they are the same tradition-driven company they were 75 years ago (with some modern innovations to boot). They take was is classic and traditional and seek to elevate it, not ‘become inspired’ by it. Put bluntly, Dubarry knows you are going to wear their stuff into a bar, walk in poop, get slobbered, and want to look great doing it.

Modern Pentathlon: What Did I Just Watch?

Perhaps its because I rode in the IHSA during college, and have witnessed similar “oh crap” moments when riders pull ‘that horse’ whose description reads something to the tune of “hold on and Jesus take the reins”, but after watching a clip sent to me by a friend of the 2012 riding portion for the Modern Pentathlon…I am genuinely curious to know why the riding is that horrifically bad.

Um….What…The….Shit? Image courtesy of VC Star.

If you are offended by pictures of terrible riding and some foul language….yea just keep reading anyway.

 

HITS Day 2

Final Summation:

1. Crackers jumped in a ring
2. Crackers jumped out of a ring (don’t worry he was supposed to)
3. Crackers had a smashing good time

Skye and Nina looked fabulous

The Powers sisters, no surprise to anyone, looked fabulous

Taxicab and Abby rocked it out

Troy and Anastasia guided George and Maaaaaavelous beautifully, as expected.

Official Equestrian Coverage Schedule

Instead of a news writeup, here is what you really want to read: the equestrian olympic TV schedule for NBC.

I am in no way affiliated with NBC. I just like horses. I’m not even going to waste any space with pictures. All these times are courtesy of Yahoo:

Saturday, July 28

Individual and team eventing dressage: 1:45 pm. – 2:45 pm. (NBC Sports Network)

Sunday, July 29

Individual and team eventing dressage: 2:15 pm. – 3:00 pm. (NBC Sports Network)

Monday, July 30

Individual and team eventing – Cross Country (LIVE): 8:15 am. – 12:45 pm. (NBC Sports Network)

Tuesday, July 31

Eventing – Team Jumping final (LIVE): 6:00 am. – 8:15 am. (NBC Sports Network)

Eventing – Individual Jumping final (LIVE): 9:15 am. – 10:30 am.

GO USA, or whoever you root for.

Monsters In The Corner, And Other Horse-Eating Creatures

Anyone who rides has inevitably encountered the equine version of the ‘Bogeyman’

Image courtesy of Horse Junction

Whether its the shadowy corner of the indoor, the flapping plastic bag in the wind, or the wild animal running past the outdoor ring, horses can get scared pretty easily. Even the bravest of equines fall victim to the shadowy creatures of their fears inevitably, but there are some great ways to avoid falling on your butt when they turn tail and run. Here are some things to keep in mind when the evil creatures of the shadows descend upon your horse (or when you horse thinks they are):