Wherein I try to discover the mythical land my horse’s equipment scampers off to
Have you ever walked into the barn and noticed your bell boots are missing? Perhaps your saddle pad has scampered off? Or maybe by some divine intervention, each and every single set of shipping wraps (which by the way is over 5 sets for anyone playing along at home) has magically evaporated? Perhaps your equipment takes notes from the late Houdini? What extraordinary magical place to they travel to when you aren’t looking?
(it is important to note, that the gripes you will see in the rest of this article in no way reflect gripes I have with where my horse is currently stabled. Much love and happy reading to my beloved Duncraven-ites who take top-notch care of my boy!)
As any equestrian knows, there is inevitably always going to be a day where at least one thing goes missing: you lose a bell boot out in the field, you drop a crop in the ring, or you might even have an earplug going sailing into a ditch. That’s normal. Sometimes your boots might wind up in the wrong by accident, which is an honest and understandable mistake too. That’s very normal. Sometimes if you and another rider have wittily similar monograms on saddle pads they get swapped: totally normal, and honestly not even that big of a deal. Beyond normal in fact. However these aren’t the occurrences I am talking about.
What baffles me is when your multiple sets of shipping wraps somehow vanish into the great beyond, such that right before a show you are scrambling to find even one set to wrap your horse with. One miserably mis-matched set, I might add. Or when a size 87 fly sheet disappears in a stable where only two other horses are remotely large enough to fit a size 84, let alone an 87. Or even when after 5 sets of black polo bandages go missing, your bring a full set to the barn…only to find a mismatched three actually live in your trunk. What mystical alternate dimension have your things gone to?
One possibility, is that in every stable lives a black hole. In the dead of night, aliens travel through this black hole and grab an odd number of items to ensure every equestrian everywhere is left with mismatched sets and annoyance.
Another possibility, is that your horse has learned how to open his stall, and buries these things in a secret location on property, deftly locking himself back into his stall before the sun rises.
Or perhaps the barn cat needed a new playtoy, and picked the lock of your trunk to deftly removing a few possible candidates.
Despite the amount of sharpie used to label things, hang tags added to sheets and blankets, and excessive monogramming, your things somehow apparate into thin air seemingly by magic.
Sometimes, you even spot all 5 missing shipping wraps sets on every horse at the away show but your own, seemingly by magic. Sometimes you even see an image of a horse that is not yours wearing a fly sheet that looks curiously too big on him. Sometimes, even, you spot “new” polo wraps on a horse that have tone-on-tone monograms that look quizzically similar to yours.
Wherever it is your things go, perhaps they will return back to you soon.